Self-esteem doesn't improve by just sitting idle. In fact, it seldom helps to do little and feel great about oneself. Feeling good without being good and without doing good is just not good; it does not leave room for further growth and excellence.
We normally assume that children who are doing poorly in school have a low self- esteem because they are confronted with the feelings of inferiority and incompetence. That may not be true about American kids of today. In the schools of California where self-esteem courses were held, children were evaluated for their academic achievement for the purpose of an international study. American kids were found to be weaker in the 3 Rs when compared to those studying in the Japanese and the German schools.
However, the self esteem of Californian children was higher than that of children in Germany and Japan. There was no problem with their self esteem, they felt terrific about themselves. Such a false sense of self-sufficiency does away with the motivation for self-improvement. That is a sure route to a slippery slope. We must take action so we can rightfully feel proud of ourselves.
First set a worthy goal. Perform at least one action every day towards that worthy goal. If you persistently work towards a worthy goal, you are a successful person.
Achievement of a life dream is not the only thing to deserve the title of "success. " Success is also the name for a steady pursuit of a dream. If you are working towards your dream with single-mindedness , you already are successful, even if you don't have that trillion dollars in the bank, a house with a three car garage, or a Caddilac sitting in each of the three garages. It does not matter where you are, but where you are going.
So where are you headed?
Your physical deportment also influences how you feel about yourself. Here, I will just take up posture, breathing pattern, and muscle tension which are important components of our physical bearing. A stooped posture generates negative feelings, such as those of inferiority, pessimism, or depression. Habit of looking down all the time while standing, walking , or talking with a stooped posture intensifies the negative feelings. Maintain an erect posture with ears, shoulders and hips, all in one straight line.
Chest breathing or shallow breathing causes anxiety and insecurity. Muscle tension along with shallow breathing increases anxiety. These physical habits can make us hesitant and uncertain in our contact with other people. Breathe deeply from your belly or midsection. Keep your shoulders and neck upright but relaxed, push the shoulders towards the back rather than slouching towards the front, and that will ease the muscle tension to some degree. Stretching, muscle relaxation, meditation, or mental relaxation are very helpful.
If you have a poor posture, habitually breathe shallow and, or carry a lot of muscle tension, these simple physical changes can bring about a significant change in how you feel about yourself and also how you come across to others. You will feel a lot more confident and lot less hesitant.
There is a story about a tall young man, who did not have a defective bone structure but looked like a humpback because of his pronounced forward bend. His head and neck was almost folded over his chest. One day , his posture instructor made him stand straight and to look up. At this, he exclaimed, "Hey! it feels really nice up here! "
Emotional education and growth also helps with self esteem. One part of emotional growth and maturity is the tolerance of differences. If someone is different from us, it doesn't mean that he or she is greater or smaller than we are. Allow people to be different. When we do not feel good about ourselves, we become intolerant and overcritical of others which makes it even more difficult to live with ourselves and others. Being overcritical and judgmental doesn't help low self esteem and breeds discontent and frustration.
Accept yourself just as you are, without wishing for a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but just as you are! Accept others just as they are. Do not judge others by your values. They are your values, you believe in them, that's fine.
A lot of times, we get upset over something trivial,
such as, someone dressing a certain way, doing his or her
hair a certain way, and we say, "I can't stand it.
". What difference does it make in how we live our
life? There is a good reason for them being the way they
are. When we accept others as they are, we accept
ourselves as we are.
Return to Self Help
Copyright
1996, Mind Publications
Dr. Vijai Sharma
Your Life Coach
By Telephone